Yesterday was a busy morning. The gym, fighting for parking in downtown, picking up a lei and a gift, but still also needing to take a shower before I head down to my friend's graduation in a couple of hours. While I was looking for a graduation card, a pink flowery tree against a white backdrop caught my eye under the section labeled 'Love' in the greeting cards section. The message read:
Every moment I spend with you is my favorite moment.
Although I didn't have time to spare, I stopped in my tracks and time appeared to pause, those words resonated and confirmed feelings and doubts that have been haunting me for the last few days. The clues that I didn't want to acknowledge and the emotions that I didn't want to validate came pouring out like a deluge from my heart that I could not suppress. The butterflies in my stomach, constantly averting my gaze and wringing my hands or playing with my watch while we speak. The pounding of my heart as I sat a few inches away. The little tinge of jealousy I felt as he spoke to others. But most importantly the joyful anticipation of our talks together which makes us lose track of time and also the sadness I feel when it has to end.
It's probably not love, but it's something. A realization that someone is very important to my life and the cruel sick joke of knowing that I will soon lose this person although I just met him. All I could do now is to douse the fire within me so it doesn't rage out of control.
